Why I Hate Dunkin Donuts

Dear Dunkin Donuts,
In my entire adult life, I have stopped by twice. Both times have been sucky. And you know what they say (well, everyone except George W. knows this saying): Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

And seriously. Shame on me.

First of all, it is important to note that Jeremiah and I are not doughnut people. We were heading out of town two years ago and wanted to get doughnuts, as that is one of the few times we treat ourselves to them - on a trip.

So we stopped and went in to your store/restaurant(?)/business/coffee shop (what the hell do you call Dunkin Donuts?). It was still early - maybe eight or so - and almost all of your wire baskets that are SUPPOSED to hold doughnuts are empty. Apparently, you ran out.

How do you run out of doughnuts? You are a doughnut shop. It is your entire business, besides the coffee. It'd be like a pizza place running out of dough. McDonald's running out of fries.

Fast forward to Wednesday. I took Jeremiah out to celebrate the start of birthday week. We passed a Dunkin Donuts and thought we would give you another shot.

We were the only ones in there. We stood back from the register so you would see that we were not ready to order.

Guy 1: Hey Guys! Welcome! Can I take your order?
Us: Still looking thanks.
Guy1: Well, let me know when you are ready! My name is Gus!

What when wrong here? Anyone? Okay, I'll go. You do NOT address your customers as "Hey Guys". You just don't. Especially when one of them is a GIRL. I learned the proper way to address customers when I worked with people and food, you should, too.

Thirty seconds later:
Girl: Hi! Welcome! Can I help you?
Us: Still looking, thanks.
Girl: Well, I will be helping you when you are ready.

Then she proceeds to stand in front of the doughnuts. And ask us several more times if we are ready. This prompted Jeremiah, who is VERY hard to annoy, to say, "No, because we are trying to see the doughnuts and you are standing directly in front of them."

Then another guy asks to take our order (seriously, Dunkin Donuts, are you working on commission? You have WAY to many people working.).

All within maybe one minute. We probably would have ordered faster if we hadn't been interrupted every ten seconds. And if you see that someone else has asked us, why the hell are you asking, too?

We place our order, I go to pay, and the girl taking our order has already forgotten what we ordered and couldn't fill it.

Seriously.

And then, we get our frozen drinks and there is no whippy cream on top. Jeremiah points out that they are supposed to have whippy on top, and the guy says...

Wait for it...

They ran out.

Again, you are a doughnut and COFFEE shop. You have this drink advertised all over your establishment. Everywhere are pictures of this new drink you want your customers to try. And then you can't freaking make it correctly because you ran out of the ingredients needed to make it?

Just so you know, Starbucks NEVER runs out of whippy. Neither does McDonald's for that matter.

Stupid Dunkin Donuts. We will never be coming back. Never.

Hugs & Kisses,
Emily

Orange You Glad You Had One?

No vault. I miss the vault. 

Typically, I barely take a break to breathe at work, but as last night was rough (dog panting, which means his ass is about to explode in a mess of diarrhea; and a rogue smoke detector) and I was up from about one until about two or three.

So when I had a second, I called Jeremiah. His car took a shit and he had to take the day to take it in, as it was undrive-able, which left him with little choice. So he was home. His biggest concern was that he did not have any sweets. His half of everything that my mom and my aunt had sent for Easter was gone. Like, within the first few days.

We had this coversation:
Me: You may have 1/3 cup of my jelly beans. That's it.
J: That's fine, I am so hungry I don't care.
Me: You know, you might consider eating something NUTRITIOUS. We have kiwis. We have cuties.
J: Um, yeah. Have you had one of those cuties lately?
Me: Lying, as the cuties are almost completely brown.* Yeah, I have. Soooo good, right?
J: No. Not "sooooo good." I had one yesterday and I am pretty sure that I was drunk afterward.
Me: What?
J: I'm serious. It was really ripe.
Me: Well, one of us has to eat them, and I am busy with the apples. We can't waste perfectly good fruit.
J: Well, I guess I can try another one. But if you come home and I'm passed out on the floor...
Me: Then it is my fault. Well, mine and the cuties.




* I actually love cuties, but then I started eating apples and strawberries and grapes and I just couldn't stop. I tend to be cyclical with my eating. I eat something until I am sick of it. On the plus side,  I have been quite regular. I am sure that you are relieved for me.

I Found Them!!

Every year, I have a family member that gives me Easter treats that are shaped like an egg, sunny-side up. They are gummy treats. They are probably the best gummy candy EVER. I discovered that they are available at Harry & Davids, which was fantastic. I had big plans on how this year I was finally going to score some extras.

And then?

Harry & David went out of business. They aren't at the Scottsdale Mall anymore. And that was the only one in Arizona.

Sad all day. 

Then, while perusing my local World Market, I saw these:

I bought two bags on the spot. They lasted a week. They are a low-fat treat, so I am not too concerned. I hinted to Jeremiah that they would be the perfect stocking stuffer, birthday week treat, anniversary present, etc. and that he better get his ass back to the Market to get some more.

So if you are reading this, Jeremiah, consider THIS to be your friendly reminder.

For the rest of you - if you like gourmet, peach-flavored gummy treats, you best go buy some. Pronto.

What is YOUR favorite candy?

It's a Bunch of B.S.

Last weekend Jeremiah went to get our basket by himself, as I'd been having some episodes with my muscles/joints lately and was exhausted (basket pick-up is at 7:00 on a SATURDAY).

Now, most of the time I recognize everything, even if it is something I've never eaten before (with the exception of the figs). Like, I recognized pomegranates, even if I had never consumed them in their original form.

Except last weekend after I woke up and came downstairs, there were these things...odd little round things. They were kind of cute, really. A big bag of them. I looked at Jeremiah quizzically and held one up in sort of a silent question.

Do you know what they were?

A big ass bag of...

BRUSSEL SPROUTS.

Yes, the girl who can now eat tofu with a straight face and who will try just about anything (so long as it is not beef, pork, or squash) is terrified of brussel sprouts. Deceptively cute little buggers.

I was determined to try them.

So Jeremiah prepared them like this:

I made the picture extra big so it could be like you were right here with me, trying them and everything.

He used some EVOO and some Johnny's and to be honest...

I could not decide whether I was going to vomit or have seconds. Twenty-nine point two years of fear is a lot to deal with one night at dinner.

If you are like me and have never tried them before, they are meaty. They look like baby heads of lettuce but do not taste anything like lettuce. To me they taste slightly like a mix of peas, cauliflower, and broccoli. Just meaty. And I ended up not eating the outermost leaf and kind of scraping the insides out with my teeth.

Jeremiah loved them and said he would definitely eat them again.

I would probably eat them again, but request another vegetable alongside so as to not be restricted to one veggie that I only like in an okay way.

Thoughts on brussel sprouts? Is there another vegetable you hate? Love? Never tried?

P.S. You have not tried Johnny's, you are crazy and you are missing out. Deliciousness.

P.P.S. Every where I looked I saw brussels sprouts spelled differently. And so if you disagree with my spelling of it, I do not care. I probably disagree with it, too.