Well, I Got Stuck in My Mini-Fridge This Afternoon...

I worked a bit over twelve hours yesterday. I was deaf and speaking quite loudly by the time that I arrived home. Thankfully, they have switched Jeremiah's hours yet again, so I did not have to think about what to make for dinner when I rolled in at 7:45 pm.

That is because he had made dinner for me. Just in case you are having trouble inferring that detail. Jeremiah home early = Emily does not have to make dinner.

Jeremiah asked me how my day was and if anything interesting happened. This is always a good question because with kids, you never freaking know what can happen. And also? With me, you never freaking know what can happen.

So I responded with "Well, I got stuck in my fridge today at work."

And really? What do you say to that?

Jeremiah: How does that even happen?
Emily: Conferences start tomorrow and I was preparing things. During one of my many procrastination breaks, I leaned over in my wheelie chair and it slipped out from under me. Acting the whole thing out for him. My arm was in my fridge (which is on the floor, if you are trying to picture this) at the time reaching for a cookie, I mean, a carrot, and I fell on the front and top of the fridge. I trapped my arm in there. The fridge door closed on me. It was horrible.
Jeremiah: Well, that explains the bruise. He points to my arm, where there is a perfectly straight horizontal green line. I am guessing that is where the door of the fridge closed on your arm?
Emily: Oh...Yeah. Also? I really effed up my neck and shoulder.
Jeremiah: Shakes his head. Dinner is ready.

He did not seem too surprised by the incident.

At one point, I did think, Why me? But then I remembered my dad sailing down the dunes and wiping out and my mom sliding under the Jeep one icy morn and then I was like, Yeah, seems about right.

Why I Hate Dunkin Donuts

Dear Dunkin Donuts,
In my entire adult life, I have stopped by twice. Both times have been sucky. And you know what they say (well, everyone except George W. knows this saying): Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

And seriously. Shame on me.

First of all, it is important to note that Jeremiah and I are not doughnut people. We were heading out of town two years ago and wanted to get doughnuts, as that is one of the few times we treat ourselves to them - on a trip.

So we stopped and went in to your store/restaurant(?)/business/coffee shop (what the hell do you call Dunkin Donuts?). It was still early - maybe eight or so - and almost all of your wire baskets that are SUPPOSED to hold doughnuts are empty. Apparently, you ran out.

How do you run out of doughnuts? You are a doughnut shop. It is your entire business, besides the coffee. It'd be like a pizza place running out of dough. McDonald's running out of fries.

Fast forward to Wednesday. I took Jeremiah out to celebrate the start of birthday week. We passed a Dunkin Donuts and thought we would give you another shot.

We were the only ones in there. We stood back from the register so you would see that we were not ready to order.

Guy 1: Hey Guys! Welcome! Can I take your order?
Us: Still looking thanks.
Guy1: Well, let me know when you are ready! My name is Gus!

What when wrong here? Anyone? Okay, I'll go. You do NOT address your customers as "Hey Guys". You just don't. Especially when one of them is a GIRL. I learned the proper way to address customers when I worked with people and food, you should, too.

Thirty seconds later:
Girl: Hi! Welcome! Can I help you?
Us: Still looking, thanks.
Girl: Well, I will be helping you when you are ready.

Then she proceeds to stand in front of the doughnuts. And ask us several more times if we are ready. This prompted Jeremiah, who is VERY hard to annoy, to say, "No, because we are trying to see the doughnuts and you are standing directly in front of them."

Then another guy asks to take our order (seriously, Dunkin Donuts, are you working on commission? You have WAY to many people working.).

All within maybe one minute. We probably would have ordered faster if we hadn't been interrupted every ten seconds. And if you see that someone else has asked us, why the hell are you asking, too?

We place our order, I go to pay, and the girl taking our order has already forgotten what we ordered and couldn't fill it.

Seriously.

And then, we get our frozen drinks and there is no whippy cream on top. Jeremiah points out that they are supposed to have whippy on top, and the guy says...

Wait for it...

They ran out.

Again, you are a doughnut and COFFEE shop. You have this drink advertised all over your establishment. Everywhere are pictures of this new drink you want your customers to try. And then you can't freaking make it correctly because you ran out of the ingredients needed to make it?

Just so you know, Starbucks NEVER runs out of whippy. Neither does McDonald's for that matter.

Stupid Dunkin Donuts. We will never be coming back. Never.

Hugs & Kisses,
Emily

A Cross Between Pinocchio & Dumbo.

The other night while watching tv, I pointed out to Jeremiah that the kid on the tv was odd-looking. And then there was this:

Me: What if we have kids and they are ugly?
J: Is this a serious concern of yours?
Me:Yes, among other things.
J: Do you think that there is a good chance of an ugly baby?
Me: Glance at him for a minute. Well, honestly, I would say odds for an ugly baby are pretty high.
J: No!
Me: Yes. Jeremiah? Are you kidding me? With your nose and my ears (Which are so big that sometimes I accidentally sleep on them folded like fleshy little crepes.) I'd say we are prime candidates for ugly kids.
J: Mulls this over. We'd have an elephant. A baby elephant.
Me: Exactly. I would give birth to a cartoon character.

The conversation continued, with discussion about eyes (not a concern, we're pretty sure our baby would have two of those), hair (odds are good the kid would be bald either for the first few years of life (me) or the adult portion of life (Jeremiah) or both, but the times in between would be golden. Literally. Sort of of reddish brownish blonde.), and skin as soft as angel wings (I do not mean to be braggy, but some people actually PET me at work. Which *might* be sexual harassment, now that I think about it.), or unhealing alligator pelts (Oops. I guess we know who this is now.).

And this is why together we have not brought forth a child to grace this Earth.

No. 3: Awe, Crap, or "Why I Don't Do the Dishes"

Hi.

Hi. Hello from hell the Valley of the Sun. Have you seen the weather here lately? It's freaking hot. 115 degrees today. I got in my car after work and I was all, "Okay, Big Guy, are you ready to take me home?" and he was all, "M'eh."

It's too hot. It's not a dry heat when it's this hot. Things sweat. It's gross. I get home and my legs are gritty from salty sweat. If I have parking lot duty I can feel a trail of sweat start at the nape of my neck, go down my back, down my leg, and drip on my sandal. TMI? Maybe.

Here's a less sweaty story.

Before school started I was doing some dishes. Two of my favorite white dishes were stuck together. When I picked them up, they magically fell apart and then, of course, they broke. The top one fell on the bottom one. They broke each other. I was devastated.

Jeremiah came home all excited because I had done the dishes but then I pointed out the horrific site of the accident and he had the decency to pretend that he was upset, too. Or maybe I just imagined that. Grief is tricky sometimes.

I thought that the dishes could live on and be repurposed. Not by me, though. It would have been too hard. So I took them to work and gave them to the art teacher, who couldn't contain her glee as she announced that "They'll be perfect for mosaics! Or, I mean, I'm sorry they broke.".

I never loved you dishes anyway. You are dead to me.

I should point out that this is why I don't do the dishes and it is also why I get my dishes at Goodwill and Salvation Army. All of this heartache probably only cost fifty cents, at the most. Jeremiah tells me that there will be other dishes, but for now he's doing double dish duty, as my set of four perfect white dishes has dwindled to two perfect white dishes.

A is for Ants or, Why I Might Be Walking With A Limp...

We had a special field day for our kiddos. It was Wednesday. And there was this ant...

Bastard found me.

He bit me.

The thing is, I know INSTANTLY when I get a bite. The ant might be small but the burning and stinging is instantly intense. It stinks knowing that for the next week or so walking will be a beast. It angers me that one little ant can bring me down.

Because I swell up. And as they are usually on my leg or foot, it makes walking slightly difficult. An inquiring and caring (yet uneducated in my health issues) person asked why I didn't just take an anti-histamine. Well, holy crap. Why didn't I think of that?

Oh.

Because I'm already on THREE daily.

While it might be slightly hard to see, I've included a picture showing the swelling. Those orange/red arrows show the areas effected. Picture an ankle, any ankle at all, in place of the lump that is currently visible. See the slight concave appearance near the top right arrow? That's where my skin normally is. You know, when it isn't all stretchy and swollen. I've even indicated the scene of the bite. I'm sparing you from a close-up which shows the actual pus-filled bump. You're welcome. 

That is why I've been icing and elevating. It helps. It's the ONLY thing that helps besides going to get a steroid injection in the butt. Which, a girl can only get so many of those before she starts looking...not like a girl anymore.

p.s. Today Jeremiah and I were floating in the pool when I hear a kid at the house behind us (yes, the trouble house) exclaim, "Hey! I think there's a pool back there!" Meaning, OUR house. Next thing I hear, "Oh, there's people in the pool." All disappointed. As if he were going to get in if we weren't already in it. I thought he was just peeking over the fence. Oh.No. He had climbed the tree and was sitting there staring at us. About four yards away. Talking like we weren't there. Staring. I know it's a kid, but what is wrong with these people?

Why I Don't Like the Neighbors or, Why the Police Were at Our House at 1:30 am

Friday was our anniversary. Five years. That's some crazy shiznit, no?

And let me warn you here, there is going to be swears in this here post, so if your delicate self isn't a fan, you may want to stop reading. I'm just trying to be nice.

Anyway, I was sick on Friday. We had a special meal, special drinks, special dessert, and Jeremiah surprised me with some gorg. lilies. We're both poor, so we both agreed simple celebrations this year.

At around eleven, a party at the house behind us really started picking up. And I could swear that I heard someone say, "I dare you to jump in the pool." which is ODD, because the neighbors behind us don't have a pool. Interestingly enough, WE DO. So I kicked Jeremiah and he got up, looked around, and proclaimed that all was good.

Except it wasn't. Things got loud. Then really quiet. Then super loud. And then, no joke, I heard someone trying to get in our house through the sliding door. I could hear the lock catch as they repeatedly tried to pull the heavy slider open. It's directly below the balcony and our bedroom, so it was loud. I kicked Jeremiah (again) and told him that there were people in our backyard. He's up faster than you can say "Why the face?!". He races downstairs with only his cell and boxers and goes to the slider. At this point, I hear voices and feet on the rocks outside our bedroom side window. I look down, and there are people hopping the fence. I pound on the window and yell at them to get the FACE (I didn't say face) out of my yard and then yell to Jeremiah that they are out front. He's on the phone with 911 already, and the people are running away from him (gotta love the thought of him standing there all tattoo covered and boxer-clad scaring the shit out of some idiots).

And at this point you are probably wondering, "Emily, are you making this shit up?" And the answer is, no, my friends, I am not.

The 911 dispatch person explains that someone had called the police on the party and they were on the scene. The kids (high schoolers) had been trying to escape. So they had hopped the five foot brick wall into our yard and tried to get into our house. We said we would like to file a report or complaint or whatever. We wait for the police to come. For an hour and a half.

As we wait, I bet Jeremiah that the police will say, "Kids will be kids" and nothing will be done.

Guess what? Nothing was done. Apparently there were a TON of kids there and they didn't have the time to cite anyone for underage drinking or supplying alcohol to minors or trespassing, or anything else.

In fact, in the lovely state of Arizona, it is completely legal for people to flee a scene using YOUR property as long as they are just trying to get to the other side. S'okay.

And it is okay to try and get into someone's house as long as you don't use force. Even though the intent to get in was there, they didn't break anything and they weren't going to do anything to us, they were just "in self-preservation mode".

Are you shitting me?

As a teen I NEVER tried to get into anyone's house that I didn't know. And how the hell are kids supposed to grow up to become responsible adults if they are never even held responsible for their actions? At some point, it's not "kids will be kids" anymore.

The kid that had the party? The police let the parents deal with it. Nothing filed, nothing done at all. I just don't get it.

So I'm pissed and not seeing the point of being a property owner if my property is free for everyone to use at their leisure, including the occasional tug on the door...

Why I Got Kicked Out of Best Buy, Why I Hate Best Buy, or Why Best Buy is Corrupt

So.

Got kicked out of Best Buy today. Jeremiah says we weren't, but I say that anytime security comes and tells you it is time to leave and walks you out, that's getting kicked out. He's so much more innocent than I am. One of us has to be the nice one.

Let's back up, shall we?

Last weekend I broke out a giftcard that someone in my family had given me. It was for Itunes. After typing in the code (which I had to scratch off the back to find), I was informed that this gift card had been canceled and refunded.

Interesting. Because I had the card and there is no way a store would take a refund on just a receipt. So, no one had used the card. No one had returned the card. But someone got fifteen dollars off my non-expiring gift card.

Contacted Itunes via email and they sent me a response that Best Buy had a problem with these particular cards, that they were aware of the problem, and that I needed to take the card to them to resolve the problem. They would reissue me a card.

Ten-Four.

Into the store we go. Told the story to the customer service girl. No help. Speak to twitchy-McManager. No help. No receipt, no refund. Plus I had scratched it off plus they said that it needed to be a receipt within the last thirty days. On a non-expiring gift card. Interesting. Plus, I don't typically receive receipts with my gifts. So no deal. So then Jeremiah was ticked and asked to speak to the higher manager (I didn't even know this existed.) This woman came out and you could actually SEE the word BITCH on her forehead. She didn't listen to anything we said, she wouldn't look into it at all, nothing. Would not work with us at all.

She was basically all, "No receipt, no help" and she got in my face. Like, right there. Jeremiah told her she needed to back up and she told him no. So she was intimidating me IN HER PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT. At one point an older teenager came up and tried to give me fifteen dollars. He was visibly upset. I told him I had fifteen dollars and this was about principle. And I thanked him for the offer, of course.

My shining moment was pulling up the email (using my phone) from Itunes which stated, "Emily, certain gift cards sold at Best Buy in USA and Canada were canceled. Best Buy/Future Shop is aware of the issue and will be replacing these cards for the customers.I recommend you contact Best Buy to obtain a refund or have the card activated."

I read it nice and loud, and afterwards said, "So you are telling me that you WON'T refund my card that your company has canceled and that you are keeping the money on a non-expiring giftcard that has been unused?"

At which point Jeremiah and I were walked out by security.

That was my Norma Rae moment, people.

Think of all the money Best Buy gets. Jeremiah and I went online and this is happening to LOTS of people. Fifteen dollars here, fifteen dollars there, they keep the money.

Check this out, direct from Best Buys website:

• I have the exact same problem. My daughter sent my son an Itunes gift card for Christmas. After typing in the card number multiple times and it would not redeem, I sent Itunes and email to their support (codes and cards redemption). We received an email back saying that Best Buy had cancelled the card.

• open Complaint to Best Buy and Apple i Tunes: Best Buy cancelled a valid and actviated iTunes gift card with out the sellers knowledge. It was a a Xmas present. iTunes stated the money was returned by Best Buy and BB had cancelled the card. No record of that refund can be found. On the internet many people that used their iTunes cards bought at BB at a later date found when going to the iTunes sight that Best Buy cancelled their gift cards (which have no expiration dates.) WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? Is this a SCAM????? Is Best Buy keeping the money? Does Apple iTunes know of this policy? Best Buy had no right to cancel a gift card just because it was going to be used later. l want people to know of this problem. This all sounds fishy to me and I don't like it.I could not post this concern on the Best Buy facebook sight 
• I just tried to use a $25 iTunes card that my wife gave me for Xmas a few years ago, but the code wasn't working, so I contacted Apple, who indicated that the card was canceled by Best Buy on the same day that the card was purchased!  (No indication of any refund to my wife's credit card either).
• Okay, so I contacted Apple again and they were able to tell me when I bought the card and I found the receipt.  I went back to Best Buy today with the receipt and the email from iTunes.  I knew they were just trying to get rid of me the first time.  This time they said I had to call the Corporate number 1-888-237-8289.  Couldn't they have told that to me on the first attempt?So I called, dialed 1 for English, 4 for the operator and got transferred to Nikki in Consumer Relations.  She hmmm'ed for a while and then transferred me to the Gift Card Department, #1 for English, 2 attempts to enter a gift card number and finally it automatically tried to transfer to a person.  After several minutes of waiting, "I'm sorry, we can't process your call at this time.  Try again later."
• My daughter purchased a Itunes gift card for me awhile ago and I want to use it; however, it states on the Itunes web site that the card has been cancelled! I have never used it.
• I received a $25 iTunes gift card a year or two ago, and when I went to redeem it today, iTunes indicated that it had been canceled.  When I wrote to iTunes customer support they indicated that Best Buy had canceled my giftcard.  This is apparently a frequent occurrence with iTunes gift cards purchased at Best Buy, and can occur as early as the day of purchase.  There is no expiration date on the card, so I don't see how this could possibly be legal. 
• "The Gift Certificate or Prepaid Card code you entered has been cancelled."
  This happened on both cards. The cards were gifts to my son for birthdays and christmas.
  
  There are many more complaints like these.
  
  
  And yet no one in the store was willing to look into it. No one in the store was willing to help me.
  
  Something is wrong here.
  
  
  
  p.s. I heard Jeremiah say swears in public!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

If I Could Turn Back Time or Why I Am Not a Good Alarm Clock.

I'm prefacing this story with the fact that NONE of this would have happened if Jeremiah hadn't left his phone charger at work. But he did. The following events are actual. Names have not been changed.

Yesterday evening Jeremiah searched like a crazy man looking for his charger. He even got mad at ME (insert shocked face, big innocent blinky eyes HERE) for having so many chargers for my phone (What can I say? My brother takes care of me.). To solve the problem (as his phone beep beep beep died), I told him that I would sacrifice my sleep and set the phone for him. 4:20. In the morning. Aren't I a good girlfriend? I'm thinking this will earn me the girlfriend of the week award...maybe even girlfriend of the month.

You need to understand that it has been hot here lately. In fact, Jeremiah has been in the pool twice. We had a competition to see who could go without AC the longest. I caved this afternoon. But last night, we went to bed and it was almost 80. I had the sweats. Miserable. I was so hot I couldn't sleep.

But eventually I did sleep. And at 4:20 the alarm went off and Jeremiah got up and left for work (He normally doesn't go in that early, but he needed to leave early so up he gets). At this point I realized that I: 1 - had to pee and 2 - couldn't find Mel. So I used my phone as a flashlight and went searching for the cat. Found the cat. Also found that my phone said 7:20 AM. Hmmmm... Interesting, because it was completely dark.

So I turned the screen off. Then on. 7:21 AM. No shit. So I hit airplane mode to get rid of the satellite service. Turned airplane mode off. Sure enough, it wasn't 7:20 AM. It was 3:20. In the morning. I had sent Boyfriend off to work at 2:55. In the morning. I lost my girlfriend of the week award. And girlfriend of the month? Forget about it.

It took me a few hours to fall asleep after that. Guilt found me and wouldn't leave, and neither would the dogs (who get in bed whenever Jer isn't there) and Mel. I was surrounded by furry reminders of sending my boyfriend to work in the middle of the night (thank goodness he works in a building that is open twenty-four hours a day and he was able to do his work).

Fast forward to seven and Jeremiah calls to get me up for a morning appointment. First thing he says? "Hey, so guess what time I got to work this morning?" and I start laughing and apologizing and he keeps saying, "I kept looking for Michelle (he only works with two other people) and wondering where she was..."

So all that to say that I don't know what happened to my phone. It went floopy. And let this be a reminder to all of you - keep extra chargers. You never know when or where you might need one. And never let me serve as your alarm clock.

What I Want to Write, But Can't

I was stopped recently by a co-worker who wanted to tell a story.  And they led with I mean, It started out as though Wait. It seemed as though it was going to relate to Crap. I would love (more than the extreme mint-chocolate ice cream available only at Albertson's, which I go to only for the extreme mint-chocolate ice cream) to be able to share some deets about co-workers. Nothing personal, no names,  just personalities. Nothing mean, even. Quirks, if you will. You'd all be like, "Yeah, I know someone like that, too." And we'd share a laugh.

Alas, I have to work here. And I like the people I work with. I really do. And I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so the funny post about a co-worker will have to wait.

So that is why I can't tell you the quirkiness that occurred. Sigh. But I am TOTALLY open to hear YOUR quirky co-worker stories! You can leave it anonymous. Or not post at all. Because that happens a lot here, too.  And I'm learning to be okay with that. You're okay. I'm okay.


A Completely Unrelated Bathroom Update...
It's now week three of sharing a bathroom with A BOY. I'm not sure I'm cut out for sharing at all, let alone with a grody boy. I'll share other spaces, but bathrooms are off limits. I'm way out of my comfort zone, people. Like, we passed my comfort zone about a week ago. Zoomed past it at eighty miles an hour. It was a blur. Didn't even have time to say goodbye. I miss it.

Did I mention that I have issues with other people's germs? I do. I'd like to say it is because I catch everything that everyone else has, but it is more than that. Sadly. I won't go into details because I'd like for you to come back to my blog and read again. And not think I'm super weird.

So anyway, the bathroom is at a standstill because we're unable to find replacement strips for the shower. Such a simple thing, and yet...no.

Have a great weekend.

P.S. One of my students told me today that men can have babies. I was all, "Um, you might want to talk to someone at home about that."

Why I Shouldn't Have Neighbors

This morning at about 5:15 I could hear someone using a chain saw. I could hear it over the noise of my exercising and the noise of my music. The dogs and I were deeply disturbed.

When I was finished, I see that my neighbor has hired landscapers to remove the one tree (Michiganders, you would call it a shrub, it was very small) in their front yard. I feel as though this is not okay. Chainsaws at 5? No.

In addition, the idiots parked their humongous truck (Hello? Overcompensating?) and trailer in FRONT OF MY DRIVEWAY. I was completely locked in. Plus, all of their gadgets and debris and garbage cans? Oh, yeah, they just put them in my driveway. Why the hell didn't they park in front of my neighbor's driveway?

So I went outside in my exercise clothes and slippers and stared at them. One of the guys looked up and said, "Oh, sorry." and started laughing.

That asshole laughed. At me. Until I got out my phone and took a picture of all his stuff in my driveway and his truck locking me in. And then watching me as I called the non-emergency police line. Then he moved his truck. And his crap.

By the way, apparently landscapers can make all the noise they want as early as 5. What.The.Hell? This is due to the fact that it gets so hot. Because it would be too hot at six? Seriously, it is triple digit temps. The difference in temp between five and six in the morning is like, one degree.

So I'm going to tell my neighbor that I just LOVE the work they did, get their number, and complain.

Don't park in front of my driveway. Don't put crap in my driveway. And don't piss me off at five in the morning.

And this is why I shouldn't have neighbors.

Highway to Hell, or, Why I'm Not Allowed to Grocery Shop Alone

If you haven't heard yet, many of the drivers in Arizona can't drive well. It's a fact. I had to take a wonderful class on the history & culture & government in AZ. Had to. In order to be highly qualified. Whatever. The only thing I remember from my class is that AZ has one of the highest (if not the highest) rates with regards to car accidents. Cheery, right?

I don't know. I might still be bitter about the accident last year when I was on my way home from work, sitting at a red light when two cars in cross-traffic ran their red light, came out of the intersection, and HIT MY CAR. Zero miles per hour. Stopped. Still I get hit. They came at me from the front and hit the passenger side and my hatch. Subaru intervention, I was fine.

And I might be remembering the time I came home from work only to find boyfriend hopping around with a naughty grin on his face. "Guess what happened?" he says impishly. Apparently, he was driving home and being tailed when someone cut him off. He had to slow down, the car tailing him wasn't paying attention, and in an effort to not ram into boyfriend, he did a swerve, overcompensating and running into the median. I'm picturing a blockbuster movie car crash, are you? Boyfriend looks in his rear view mirror and sees flames and wreckage...Just kidding, but the drivers here are bad. To the point where you can take a bit of joy in seeing a tailgating idiot ruin their car (while not hurting anyone else).

Flash forward to yesterday at the grocery store. I met boyfriend there because I had a previous engagement. I am behind a soccer mom in her shiny new SUV. Looking all soccer mom-y. She passes a spot. As she passes it, I see the spot. Turn on my turn signal. Wait for her to creep forward so I can have it. Then she sees it. Slams on the breaks, starts backing up. Oh hell no. One thing you must know about me is I am one stubborn chickie. I sat in my car, turn signal on. Still no signal from Soccer Mom. I wait. She waits. I win, because she tries to swing forward and back in to the spot and that is when I take it! Three cheers for Emily. No? Am I the only one cheering? So sad.

I get out of my car and start walking, wishing Jeremiah was there because he (or his tattoos, whatever) help(s) dissolve a lot of conflict. I don't know why (funny side dish: unloading the trunk with the garage door open awhile ago, we watched as the Jesus people pimped Jesus door to door (which, by the way, I don't think Jesus would have appreciated, honestly) I'm getting feisty because I know our house is next. Jeremiah picks up the tire iron, turns around, and they walk right on past. It might have had something to do with the flames etched into his leg. Maybe the tire iron? Maybe both.) So anyway, no boyfriend to help me. This lady comes flying after me, like that scene from Terminator when they are in the car and look out the back window and bad terminator is catching up with them. You know the scene? It was like that.

She catches up and says "YOU are the reason for all the bad drivers and YOU, honey, are the reason people get so angry. I had that spot picked out before you even turned down the aisle!" It is at this point that I know she doesn't know my mom, because mom always says you lose your point when you exaggerate and this lady was clearly exaggerating because I was behind her the whole time. Secondly, well, she was starting to piss me off. I was all, "Oh no you didn't." I whipped around. "You did NOT have that spot picked out! You saw that spot after you passed it and then decided you should be able to back up to get it. Not ONCE did you turn on a turn signal! You passed it, too bad. My spot." (And you know what? Where I'm from, people signal their driving intentions. She didn't. Who's the bad driver now, right? Plus, did she back into her new spot? Take a guess.) And then she said "blah blah blabbity blah." And she might have called me honey again. To which I responded, "You? Are full of it!" and walked away. I did some hand waving, too.

This is why we usually strictly follow the rule: Emily shalt not shop alone.


p.s. I did not use any naughty words because she was towing a very embarrassed teen daughter and I am NOT that kind of person. But I will wave my arms around, because I am still that kind of person.

p.p.s. 5/13/10 - I was just riding with a co-worker who was talking about the process of getting her son a license. Apparently, here in AZ, you do NOT have to take any classes. You do NOT have to drive with an instructor. You do NOT have to document road time. You just get a permit, take a test. Then you get your license. You scare me, AZ. You scare me. No wonder there are such horrible drivers here.