Odds & Weekends, Part 1

See what I did there with the title?

The other weekend while lunching on leftover Chinese food, Jeremiah choked.

It started out so simple - he coughed a little. This really ticks me off (yeah, hell, I know) because it interrupts a perfectly nice quiet meal - in my undies. Why was I in my undies (and a shirt)? Because it was freaking 115 degrees outside and the AC was set at 82 degrees inside and it was hot and we'd been out running errands and I was sweaty and gross and I didn't want to go upstairs to find comfy clothes. T-shirt and undies it was. He did it, too. So there.

And then suddenly he STOPS coughing (yeah, we're back to the story and also, sorry Chris if your son didn't tell you he almost died.). And he's got a hand on his throat/chest and he's not making any sounds. If you are a CPR/First Aid graduate (As all MI teachers are. They don't require it in AZ. Just sayin'.) you know that this isn't good.

So I asked if he was choking. I got a big nod.

I didn't bother with the other few questions because at this point I'm picturing him lying on the ground because I couldn't smoosh him in the gut enough. I'm picturing him lying on the floor while I'm calling for an ambulance. And I'm picturing the ambulance showing up and me being there on the floor trying to remove the chicken debris from Jer's throat with two barking dogs running all around me like crazy and all I'm wearing is my undies and a t-shirt and there's Chinese food everywhere and I'm thinking, "Damn. He can't die. I don't want people to see me like this. This is too Darwin Awards/White Trash. It won't end like this."

Eventually it loosened up and he started yelling at me to stop and then I hit him. Because all joking aside, it was terrifying. And then I sat down in shock, let the adrenaline make it's way through my system, cried a little, and ate my Chinese food.

It's Chinese food, people. You gotta eat it.

Although now I make Jeremiah eat in teeny tiny pieces.