It doesn't have a lot of trees, animals, or any big lakes, but it does have its perks. Sunshine every day and a daily forecast of warm or hot. This has two benefits. One, getting dressed is a snap. Two, every day is sandal day! Arizona isn't perfect, but it is where we are currently calling home. We are just two youngsters from the Midwest, trying to survive in the desert. And this is our story.
When you realize that you haven't updated your blog in about a year...
So I'm going to offer up a fact filled Sunday. And by fact filled I mean six facts. Because I'm slowly getting back into this. Slow.
I quit my job. In March. I lasted as long as I did because I had nice
supervisors. I was not, however, passionate about what I did, and if I'm
not passionate, I really just do the minimum (which is horrible to
admit, but the truth). So I quit. I worked with some really great
people. There's only one person that if I could go back in time I would
punch in the throat. That's because she commented on my relationship
with Jeremiah and rolled her eyes at my team member. That deserves a
punch, yo. Actually, two punches.
These two people:
Are attempting to make this happen:
Ah, yes. The ring. I'm going to be honest and say that I'm more excited about the ring and the travels than I am about anything else. In my eyes, Boyfriend and I are already married. We aren't having a wedding, because I care more about traveling and enjoying myself than I do about other people being satisfied with my wedding day.
3. Our house has become vegan/lacto-vegetarian. For two completely different reasons, but similar end results. No meat.
4. I'm teaching again. A different school, so I'm giving it a whirl. I've got a different attitude this time. I'm hoping it lasts. I will not let this job swallow me whole.
5. We're nearly through with a bathroom remodel. Random delays and setbacks have been a beast, but I'm quite happy with the way things are coming along.
6. Jeremiah has jury duty. He's happy because they pay his mileage, his company still pays him, and he gets reimbursed for lunch. He's very much a glass is half full type of guy. We really are polar opposites.
Every year, Jeremiah and I go to RSD. It's an actual thing, for those that might not believe me. And it's sort of a big deal. It's Jeremiah's favorite holiday.
Seriously.
Artists release limited batches of their albums - some of them are numbered, some of them are colored vinyl, some are rereleases...it's awesomeness. And for those who are like, "Who buys records anymore? People don't even buy CDs!" all I have to say is, where have you been? Records now days can sometimes come with the digital download right inside it - a little bonus and thank you from the artist for buying their stuff. So you get an awesome sounding album and the digital compressed stuff for your ipod. For usually around the same price that you would pay to buy the digital version online. At first I didn't believe Jeremiah when he said records sound better but they do. Truly. They do.
We joined the line at about 8:30 and enjoyed the smells wafting around. I call it the 3Ps: Pot, patchouli, and perspiration. This year we chose to start at a different record store and I mostly only smelled the pot. A little less patchouli and perspiration. Small steps should be celebrated.
Jeremiah and I go in with a plan. He shows me a picture of every album he wants and/or I want. I'm good with that. He takes a list. He's good with that.
Nine o'clock, the doors open. People surged forward. I honestly thought I might die, but people were cool and there was no pushing. At one point though, I might have said to Jeremiah, "This is not how I want to die!"
We got in, and followed our plan. He went straight to the back of the store (they spread things out on tables throughout the store) and I stopped up front. Here's the thing about being a girl. And being a bit short. And being one of only a few girls at the store. Boys don't get in my way. I can weasel my way up to the front, ducking under armpits and maneuvering myself this way and that. Plus, I'm a teacher (I'm used to no personal space.) and a veteran shopper. Trained by the best. Eye on the prize, I get what I want.
We met up at one point - I had a shit ton of records that we wanted, he had a few. He was all, "Thank GOD you got that! And this one! And this!"
At this point we had: Joan Jett, White Stripes, White Stripes in Rockabye Baby, Dave Brubeck, Cal Tjader, No Alternative, Rocket From the Crypt (?) and a side by side (single).
You are welcome, Jeremiah.
We were still short a Black Keys, Wings, Mumford & Sons, Soundgarden, Porno for Pyros, Pink Floyd, Mad Season, many side by sides, and Eisley.
We separated again and I started following this guy who obviously was rethinking the Soundgarden. I stalked him all over the store. Hobble step, hobble step, hobble step. The second he set it down, I literally lunged through a crowd and grabbed it. Mine.
Wings was captured the same way. Someone set it down, and we lunged for it.
Some of these records there is only one or two copies - for example, there was only one Pink Floyd in the whole store. And the guy that got it was a douche. I am pretty sure his ultimate goal was to sell it on Ebay. What an ass.
We met up again and got in line to check out. We got our limited edition reusable bags and t-shirts and we were on to the next store.
Of course, nearly an hour and a half had passed, so it was slim pickins. Jeremiah was able to find the Mad Season and the Mystery Side by Side.
I gave up on Eisley (both stores said that they did not get a copy) and the Pink Floyd (because, one copy? Really?) and then on the Mumford & Sons. I was determined to get something by Mumford & Sons because I wanted them to be my mystery purchase for the year. I had heard a twenty second clip and was going to buy their RSD release. Instead I just bought their album Babel which came with digital downloads.
Here's my stash:
I got the Rockabye Baby (instrumental White Stripes) because I thought it would be awesome to have a baby that got to listen to White Stripes. It's red vinyl. The White Stripes is two albums, one is half red and half black, the other is white. The Wings is "Maybe I'm Amazed" four times - super high quality. Joan Jett is yellow vinyl.
I also was getting ready to leave and went over to Jeremiah who was talking to a guy and Jeremiah said to me, "Did you know _________________ had a RSD release this year?" and I was like, "Ohmygosh, no!!" and the guy held up his copy, which of course, there weren't any more of. And then, he gave it to me. So I bought it for my dad. That secret release is not in the above picture.
Jeremiah's mystery side by side (which you don't know until you open it) was Grateful Dead, Dr. John, and Dixie Cups doing "Iko, Iko" on clear red vinyl with splashes of blue. Freaking awesome. Mostly because I love the song and now we have four versions of it (I have Cyndi Lauper singing it, too).
Also, I am in LOVE with Mumford & Sons.
LOVE.
I laugh, I cry, it moves me, Bob. Seriously, I told Jeremiah last night that I had stories that I imagined happening along with the songs. There is such a driving beat, it is SO TOUCHING.
So I just like to share. I know other people may have already heard of them and probably love them, but there are some people like me that sometimes miss things. So in case you have missed them:
You can thank me later.
If you are interested in my past mystery/new to me purchases, they are a Florence & the Machine single (2012) and a red Kings of Leon single (2011). I think that was my first year doing the mystery to me thing. Totally worth it.
ETA: Jeremiah was into records BEFORE it was trendy. He actually worked for this company that was featured in the Wall Street Journal and was the guy's only employee for years. I just thought I would share that. I hopped on board when we started dating. I did it because he wouldn't let me take CDs out to my car anymore because I didn't take care of them. So for us, him specifically, this is NOT hopping on a new trend or about being cool. Jeremiah loves music. No, he is crazy about music. It's like water for him. Or like beer. I just felt like I needed to clarify. Maybe because I love him because he isn't about being trendy. That's pretty freaking awesome.
So last night after Jeremiah made me dinner, I told him he was my hero. And I was not kidding. In the past week, this man has taken two days of PTO to stay at home with me while I was not able to work AND left his job (on the other side of Phoenix) to come pick me up from my place of employment because I could not drive. That's pretty freaking awesome.
I proclaimed that he was indeed my hero and asked if he would like to hear a song about heroes. He didn't say no, which I took to mean that I could sing if I wanted to. So I did. I sang "Everybody's Got to Have a Hero", from my elementary music class text book, that was performed by my class in third grade. Sang the whole damn thing. Start to finish. Ended with over the top jazz hands (is that redundant?).
Jeremiah stared at me for a minute and then announced, "That's it. That's the shit that you bring to the table. Who wouldn't want that in their company/business/school?"
Hells yes. Impromptu dancing and singing. "It's the shit I bring to the table." I'm thinking of adding that to my resume.
p.s. I should mention that I NEVER miss work and the fact that I had to miss a few days is killing me. Killing me, Smalls.
p.p.s. Also, I just wanted to say once again how awesome my co-workers are. Seriously, I heart these people. Because not only did Jeremiah have to come get me, but one of my friends came to pick Jeremiah up at the house and drove him back to the school so he could get his car before who knows what happened to it.
I don't think I have ever posted about Jeremiah's kids. Actually, I know I haven't. It's a long story, and it is not my story to tell. Here is all y'all need to know:
Jeremiah is a good dad. In every way possible, he supports his kids.
Please refer back to #1. You know I don't like odd numbers.
So anyway, the kids were here for Christmas. I, however, was not. I came back just in time to spice things up before they headed back to their other home (out of state).
His kids are now 18 & 14, which shocks the shit right out of me, because I have been with Jeremiah for seven years and have known these two from when they were littles. Like, preteen. Crazy. I feel old, and I imagine Jeremiah feels super extra old. Have I mentioned that he turns the big four zero this year?
On the plus side, when he went to the gym with Hudson (that'd be the son, yo), the guy at the desk asked if they were BROTHERS. That's gotta make an older fella feel good, I'm guessing. I'm also guessing that I will be hearing about that for years...Thanks a lot, gym receptionist, thanks a lot.
There was a request for a family picture while the kids were here, and we were happy to oblige. The original theme was musicians, because Hudson plays guitar and Jeremiah plays drums and guitar and I own a guitar. Plus, I borrowed a cowbell from work and I thought we could jam like the skit on SNL of Blue Oyster Cult. The one where they need more cowbell.
That all changed when we were leaving Old Navy and I came across a pack of stick-on mustaches. His daughter was all, "What are you going to do with those?" And I told her that we were all going to be wearing one and if she was a smart girl, she'd pick her mustache out first while the picking was good. So she did. Smart girl, that Nadia.
We ended up doing both. Musicians first, mustached second.
So here are some pictures. I am so impressed that these two were not only willing to do it, but had fun while we did it. I know that their lives while they are with us are quite different than while they are with their other family, but kudos to them for that willingness and ability to adapt to change. Because everyone should mustache it up every now and then. Although to be honest, I might be all mustached out.
My favorite part of this is Jeremiah rocking the acoustic. I don't think enough acoustics get rocked.
I love everything about this. Nadia's hair flip? Out of this world. Me fake picking my nose? Hilarious. Jeremiah giving me a look like "Get your finger out of your nose" is...well, he gives me that look a lot. And Huds is just enjoying the cowbell.
Dad and kids.
I like this because I am getting a kiss.
And mustaches. Later we had milkshakes. It was a great day.
These are two of the best pictures. Ever.
There are plenty of others, but these are some of my faves. Hope you and your family had a fantastic holiday.
Yesterday, mid-way through my morning, I realized that I dreamed that I was having a very determined conversation with Jeremiah. Then I realized (with a certain amount of dread) that it might not have been a dream. You all know how much I like to talk in my sleep and have night terrors.
So I called Jeremiah.
E: By chance was I talking in my sleep last night?
J: Mmmm...Holy crap! Yes!
E: And my topic of conversation was...?
J: I have no clue. I was like, "WTF?!" (Except he actually said it.) You did not make any sense at all. And you would not stop talking.
E: Yeah, I woke up feeling so determined. Like I had tried to accomplish something fantastic in my sleep.
J: Well, you did not. I told you that you were not awake. Over and over again. Eventually you gave up.
E: I'm a quitter. Damn it.
So that made me laugh for awhile. Because my sleep is disrupted by Jeremiah's snoring on a regular basis. I am happy to return the interrupted sleep favor.
Also, you know what? I was getting into my car (I shall not be telling you where I was, but I certainly was not at work. No sir.) and this girl across the street was yelling at her son, who was maybe two. He was toddling his way towards the road and she was yelling, "Get your ass back here!" and when she caught him she asked him "What the hell were you thinking?".
First of all, please know that when I told you all to talk to your children, this is not the type of conversation to which I was referring.
Secondly, honey? Read a parenting book. That kid is not thinking ahead about dangers of the street. Plus, it will tell you not to swear at your toddler. Any parenting book. Give it a try.
Last night after making the dinner almost entirely by myself (I do not mind doing this, I am just pointing it out), I refused to make dessert.
Jeremiah's sole option was Rice Krispie Treats.
I walked him through the steps and then left him to fend for himself in the kitchen.
As I am relaxing in the living room, I hear him mutter "I am not as good at this step as I thought I would be." I look in the kitchen and he is putting the cereal/marshmallow mixture onto a cookie sheet.
How can you screw up Rice Krispie treats? How can you not be good at that? Emptying a pot onto a flat surface? And also, how exactly would you excel at it? It's a fairly simple and straight forward process. I am guessing there is not too much of a learning curve going on here. You can either tip a pot over or you can't.
I laughed at him.
Today I did not get threatened by any students. I consider it a fantastic day.
Oh, and Friends? So much has been happening at the house. Shelves are up, bookshelves are painted, rugs are cleaned...I just have not had much luck with computers/computer memory/uploading shit onto the computers. So that's why you have not seen the progress of my happy place.
Also, I have company coming! My brother will be here in a week or so and I have two very dear college friends coming in October. I think I am winning the popularity contest. It used to be everyone visited Jeremiah. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am excited because one of them is bringing her two babies, so technically I have FOUR visitors at ONE time! Plus, last time I got to hold her baby and I was all, "Jeremiah, this is how I would look if we had a baby and I held it. Except that this baby is cute and ours would probably look like a baby elephant."
After checking out lots of cars (Toyota Rav-4, Honda CRV, Ford Edge, Nissan Rogue, Subaru Forester, and Subaru Outback) I finally went with the Subaru Forester. It rated well in the reports/reviews, and I've been so happy with my Outback that I felt content staying with a company that I liked. Plus, when I drove it, Jeremiah pointed out that I seemed the most comfortable.
Here's the shocker, though.
I ended up buying NEW, which I had no plans to do. But then I thought about it. I keep my cars a long time. I have never purchased a car and made the choices myself. And I wanted to make some choices and have a car that was MINE.
Emily's Car History:
1. Earl, a station wagon. Big safe car from dad. Had it for a few months. Ran over things (friend's garbage can) and didn't even know it because it was so big.
2. BBC (Big Black Car) A Cadillac Coupe Deville. LOVED this car. Had it for years - high school and college. Big enough trunk to store bodies (not that I've tried) and the ride was smooth. And it had the nicest leather. And it had a moon roof. And it was FAST. This one came from dad, who bought it off my brother.
3. Subaru Legacy - Dad bought Old Red (before it was affectionately called Old Red) and sold me the Legacy at an astonishingly low price. Newest car I'd ever owned. I loved this car. I felt safe and secure in it, especially considering I was logging over a hundred miles a day some days, between driving to Grand Haven to student teach and then to Grand Rapids to my grad classes.
4. Subaru Legacy Outback "Old Red" - Dad traded me when I moved to Phoenix because my car didn't have air-conditioning.
So you can see several things - One, being that my dad has been AWESOME in helping me out with cars. Thanks for that, dad. I always appreciated it but even more so now that I've done the whole car-buying thing.
Two, I've honestly never picked out my own car. I have loved all the cars I've had (minus Earl), and they were mine, but I wanted to choose something that was just for me.
So I did.
And I got picky. I developed a list of non-negotiables. I had a list of acceptable colors. And I didn't settle.
I wanted:
Heated seats - and FYI? laughing at someone when they ask for this in a car is a great way to NOT seal the deal.
Fog lights - again - don't laugh at me. I have bad night vision and these REALLY help.
iPod hookup - not just USB connection, but the actual thing for my iPod.
Steering wheel controls - because they are awesome.
Blue or green color on the outside.
Dark interior cloth or grey leather.
So one evening while working late - I was heading to Michigan for my graduation the next day - I got an email from a dealership asking me what they could to get my business. I said that they really did not have anything I wanted, as I wanted the blue Forester. If they were willing to make a deal on an upgraded (limited) forester in the sage green, we could talk.
He ended up giving me a great deal, plus covered oil-changes for two years, and hundreds of dollars in giftcards (Target & Subaru). I made a down payment to hold the car, and I bought it.
These pictures aren't the greatest, but here's my new car!
The coolest thing about it is that sometimes it looks green, sometimes blue, sometimes grey. I love it. Plus, it never looks dirty. Unless a bird poos on it. That you can see.
Bright lights.
I have bigger wheels with the upgraded limited. I am not sure what that means, but apparently it is impressive.
The back seat is amazing. The seats recline. Cupholders and armrests. Holders in the door designed for water bottles.
Huge back window for safety. And you can't see it, but it has a HUGE panoramic moon roof. Which I use. Not in the summer, but spring, winter, and fall.
Steering wheel controls! Bluetooth (which I never use, because I don't use my phone while driving.)!
Okay. I LOVE the iPod hookup. Love. As in, best thing ever. The limited also has the larger screen.
Love my shifter. Makes me feel sporty. Heated seats.
I was able to make a very considerable down payment because every month I set aside money (as I did not have a car payment to make on Old Red).
The night I brought the new car home, it was parked next to Old Red. And I sat in the new car and cried. Jeremiah found me in the driver's seat, sobbing. He was trying to comfort me from the backseat by rubbing my shoulders.
Me: But.Sob.It.Sob.Isn't Old Red! Sobs.
J: You will love this car, too. You just need to get used to it.
Me: No I won't. Sniffles
J: Yes, you wi...Oh, my god! The cup holders back here are illuminated! They actually light up! I mean, I'm sorry. I know you are sad.
I have been driving it for about five months now and I can honestly say that I love it. It's a nice ride. I still sometimes have trouble believing that it is mine. Jeremiah has even declared it his dream car if he ever wins the lottery. It's a NICE car, Friends.
A few weeks ago, I sold Old Red. It was really hard, but I feel as though it went to a good home. Some biker who biked across the United States. He wanted a big car to throw his bike in to keep it safe. I got more money than I was expecting, so that was good.
p.s.
Oh, and just in case people were wondering about the other cars and why I did not opt for them:
Rogue - Not enough head room in the front seats. I am only 5'5''. I should have plenty of room. And I didn't. Plus, the lower models had NOTHING special about them. Everything was an extra or an add-on. Including the basic roof racks.
Edge - This was actually a close one. I LOVED the quick pick up. Then I tried to make a tight turn in a parking lot and it was horrible. The Edge is built on a truck frame, and it shows in the turns. Not a good car for city people. Plus, the Ford people were RUDE. One guy made a joke about us leaving by saying "What? You aren't going to buy from me because I'm Hispanic?" No, asshat. I am not buying from you because you are stupid. Two totally different things. And.and.and. They kept my driver's license and I didn't realize it until I went to another dealership to drive another car and didn't have it.
Outback - Honestly, I loved it. Slightly more expensive. Slightly smoother ride. But something about it just wasn't right.
CRV - Used CRVs have hatches that open on the side, which bothered me for hauling stuff. The driver's seat and passenger's seat are not separated by a center console, which would have been problematic as I set my stuff on the floor of the passenger seat. Without that console, crap could easily roll over to the driver's side and become a hazard if it were to become lodged under a pedal.
Rav-4 - Didn't like anything about it. Didn't even drive it.
p.p.s. Also a big thanks to my brother and Jeremiah, who tolerated a lot of questions and offered suggestions. That way I was able to go in and not look like an idiot while talking about the cars. Oh, and my favorite line was from Jeremiah, who was constantly being approached by dealers about tricking out cars while I was shopping. He would say "You know, SHE's the one that you want to be talking to. SHE's buying the car. And SHE doesn't care about rims. SHE cares about safety features and heated seats. You might actually want to talk to HER."
Do you hear that, car dealers? Women can buy their own cars. With their own money. Shocker, I know.
So there you go! Anyone else make any recent car purchases?
Me: So I read the other day that Uma Thurman is having her THIRD child. She's 41.
Jeremiah: So?
Me: Soooooo I have solid ten years to decide if I want a baby.
Jeremiah: Ten? Really?
Me: Okay. Nine years.
Jeremiah: But 41 seems kind of old to have a baby.
Me: What?
Jeremiah: Yeah, I think it increases the chance of birth defects.
Me: What are you doing?
Jeremiah: What do you mean?
Me: Why are you ruining this for me?
Jeremiah: I am just being honest.
Me: Does honest equal asshole?
P.S. For those interested, Jeremiah is team baby whenever. Emily is team "baby clothes are cute, but I am too selfish to reproduce at this time plus my ass is big enough already."
I make no beef about Vault Fridays. Mostly they are for me. Mostly I like to look back at these pictures. Plus I know that some of the people that I care for most might like a look back as well. In fact, some of these pictures might be new to them.
So into the vault.
For those unaware, Jeremiah's parents have a farm. A big fat farm. I LOVE it. They stock the freezer full of frozen treats, they have horses, plus lots of room to breathe. It's great. The few times that I have been able to visit, we ride the horses.
When I was younger I took lessons and I loved it. I am always telling Jeremiah that I would love a horse. And a goat. And a pig. Mostly his response is silence. Which is okay. I bet he's just thinking how much he would like those things, too.
Right?
Anyway, these pictures are from 2006 and (I think) 2007. I am not one hundred percent sure about the black and whites.
I got the brown horse. And the dog. I LOVED Sparky.
Jeremiah got Angel.
Absolute, one-hundred percent pure joy - The horses eager to get back to the barn. The home stretch. A fantastic memory. I still remember how much fun I had on this strip of land.
Different year. Same horses. And I just want to let you know that I am NOT naked. My clothes are just pastel. Blue shorts, blue tank. Not naked.
Remember how I said that Jeremiah always managed to catch some pictures of me that I really like? This is one of them. I LOVED hanging out in the barn, spending time with the horses. I especially like it when they nuzzled/nudged me for a treat.
And that's about it. I've been trying to dig up some old pictures on the old computer, and I'm a bit overwhelmed. But loving it.
Several years ago, before I started this here blog, we were moving into our new house. At one point, either I borrowed Jeremiah's camera to take some pictures, or he borrowed mine. Regardless, I loaded pictures from a camera to my computer.
And I saw this:
I thought it would be cool to have a ghost for a boyfriend. It isn't. He can't lift any of the heavy stuff.
This picture scared the poo out of me. Not literally. But I really hate it when people are all, "I literally fell apart." No, you didn't.
Anyway. I digress. The picture freaked me out and I was all, "Ohmygod, I see dead people!" I got goosebumps and I was sure that that was the reason why I was so uncomfortable in the house those first few nights - because my boyfriend was haunting me from beyond the grave. And just when I was starting to get used to having a ghost for a boyfriend, Jeremiah came up behind me. "Oh, you found my pictures? I was trying something (insert Charlie Brown's teacher's voice here) with the camera! Cool, huh?"
No, Jeremiah. Not cool. Because then I had to call everyone back and tell them that I had a regular boring old LIVING boyfriend. So lame.
P.S. The house is actually and truly haunted. I still get uncomfortable. I still feel weird drafts in undraftable (made that up) places in certain rooms. The dogs still bark at the walls. Spike will jump at the same place on the wall in the closet, day after day. Occasionally in the mornings all four animals will stare intently into the dark hallway, which scares the poo out of me.
Dear Friends,
I am in not such a stabby place today. I am still grouchy (this according to Jeremiah, who probably would not have been surprised if my head did a full rotation a la Linda Blair) and still sick and confused, but today when I woke up I could BREATHE a little. Which was AWESOME.
So here is a true story for you.
The other night I got a little...claustrophobic is a good word. I got claustrophobic. The whole troop headed upstairs at once. That's SIXTEEN little legs, four little mouths, and lots and lots of fur. Plus the dogs and cats. Just kidding. Plus the Jer-ster and me.
And I needed a breather. So I went to the guest room, which is where I go for a breather. I would go to the craft room, but it is currently painted and empty. IT IS WAITING FOR JEREMIAH TO PAINT THE CEILING.
Not yet. Sadsies.
He says that he is waiting until I am healthy before he paints the ceiling. He wants me to be healthy so I can nag and tell him what he is doing incorrectly (his words).
And I agree. I need to be in my top-form in order to supervisor Jeremiah as he paints my ceiling.
Moving on...
And it was so cozy. And Mel and I swapped stories. She licked me a little. She stared. She laid down on the nightstand. I watched. I listened to random sounds. Relaxing. Sigh.
Next thing I know Jeremiah comes RACING into the room. I almost thought he was sleepwalking (there have been incidences for both of us, yes). He didn't get too into details, but I'm pretty sure he thought I WAS DEAD.
I am on new meds that (can) have some risky side-effects (Mostly if you are an alcoholic. I am not. At all. Unless having two drinks a year constitutes an alcoholic.), but I wasn't expecting an out of breath boyfriend clad in skeleton undies rushing the guest room. It ruined the relaxing breather.
So I don't know if I should be worried or relieved. I'm going to go with relieved. He looked concerned, which is good.
Good to know he's on top of it.
P.S. Blogger has been acting weird, yo. I am not sure what is going on here. It did not publish a post when it was supposed to do so. It also would not let me comment on my own post. So bear with me. (Or bare with me. But that might be awkward.)
P.P.S. I am going to pretend that is why you are not commenting.
What post could possibly go wrong when it is entitled "Pirates"? No post is the answer. Pirates are a fantastic blog topic.
After all the horrible things that happened with the cruise ship nearly Italy - which is super scary and very sad - a friend of mine has decided that she is anti-cruise. Which bums me. If you remember, a cruise is on my list. And Jeremiah doesn't want to go on a cruise, either. Especially after he saw the pictures of the cruise ship turned 90 degrees in the waters off of Italy. Bah. Jeremiah is NOT a water baby. And apparently he is not into current events because he did not even know about this until I told him. I should not have told him. Now he definitely will not go.
So my cruise won't be a romantic one.
And it probably won't be a girls' trip. None of my friends (including newly anti-cruise ship friend) have ever mentioned cruisin' it up, so I'm guessing? No.
Poop.
So then while talking with my anti-cruise friend I became defiant about no one wanting to cruise with me. "I do not care. I may go on a cruise by myself." I said haughtily. My anti-cruise friend explained that people mysteriously disappear on cruises.
Hmmm... To be honest, this threw me. But only for a second, and not literally. My comeback was quick and I spoke triumphantly - "Okay, so I will NOT travel alone, after all. I will travel with at least one person and I will not trust that person with my life so I will call someone who is landlocked every single hour and let them know what is happening. That way, if I do not call, they know that something is wrong and they can alert the proper authorities. You know, in case Jeremiah pushes me overboard or something."
My friend countered with the fact that "There are REAL pirates, you know."
Well, crap.
"Let me tell you this, anti-cruise friend. If I ever come across a pirate that has hopped aboard the ship, he can have my money but first I will ask to see his parrot. And he better have an eye patch. And I should see signs of a peg leg. And he should be drunk. Then he can have my money. But not without those things. Those are my non-negotiables. No patch, peg, or parrot? No money."
Here is an example of a (partially) acceptable pirate:
I think the fact that Jeremiah is ACTUALLY blind in one eye gives a certain amount of authenticity to the photograph, don't you?
My friend looks at me.
Shakes her head.
"Yeah...Emily? You're going to be the first one shot."
Remember how I said that sometimes we are the winners in our relationship and sometimes we are the losers?
Poor Jeremiah. This is not really his day to shine. Or maybe it is not my day to shine. Something to ponder, I guess.
When people ask about when or whether we are going to have children (which, honestly is a whole other post and also? Unless you and I have braided each others' hair and had sleepovers, I'm thinking Dear Abby and Emily Post would not approve of you asking such a question. But I would probably answer you anyway because I am working on being nice.) I like to point out that we have FOUR pets. Three of which are extremely needy. As in, I don't remember the last time I've peed alone. Without a cat sitting in the sink watching or a dog begging to be pet. The other day Jeremiah had the day off and the dogs stayed downstairs with him while I showered and it was glorious. They are A LOT of work.
And you can tell me that I do not truly know what it is like to have a young child and all that work and you might be right.
But on the other hand, you probably do not know what pigeon looks like after a dog has barfed it up, and as of a few weeks ago, Jeremiah and I do.
So I guess at the same time we should both yell "You don't know me!". Then we are equal again.
Long story just to say that Jeremiah tolerates a lot.
One evening I caught Spike sitting behind Jeremiah while he was in the shower shaving.
My favorite part of this picture are twofold, actually. One, look how Spike adoringly stares at Jeremiah. Two, Jeremiah has underwear with dogs all over them and now tens of tens of people have seen them. Oh, p.s. That is not my shower. That is the shower that gives me claustrophobia.
This second picture is where we can all yell "Gnorm!". Or you can feel sorry for Jeremiah because I made him strap a gnome to his chest so I could take some pictures. It's like he is carrying around a tiny old baby. With facial hair.
It says a lot about a man who is willing to wear a gnome for you.
That is really all I have today, friends. Here's to hoping Jeremiah isn't pissed that I showed you his panties.
Today Jeremiah convinced me that I really wanted to bike with him. I reluctantly went with, thinking about the last time that we biked and my TIRE (not the tube) got an odd hole and we had to walk home. With the bikes. Sadsies.
Anyway, I geared up and he geared up and we were ready to go.
I took the right side of the paved bike trail, as to 1) Not be in anyone's way 2) Leave the moving out of peoples' ways to Jeremiah.
We went along at a leisurely pace. By leisurely I mean that I went a good speed for me and Jeremiah braked a lot to slow down to my speed.
As we are leisurely biking along, with Jeremiah regularly checking back to make sure he didn't need to move out of someone's way, I felt/heard/saw someone fly by my RIGHT SIDE without announcing themselves. The paved path is wide enough for him to have gone by Jeremiah on the left. He could have also used biking etiquette and slowed down and then announced his intentions with an "On your left!".
But no.
This idiot went flying by ME. On the right. You aren't supposed to pass on the right. We all know that, don't we? By the way, this rule applies to cars, too. Just saying. I know that none of my blog readers are passing on the right types...
So I put myself in this guy's shoes.
He comes upon two bikers on the path. One is obviously a pro, with all the gear, fancy saddle, Camelbak, shoe clips for the pedals, etc. The other biker might qualify for the slowest, wobbliest biker race ever. Big cruiser with an "I heart my bike" bell. Tennis shoes. A t-shirt stating "I'm 21. R U?". That weird biker that got her leg caught in the pedal earlier that you missed? She's riding on the far right. You could pass the pro biker on the left and stay on the path. Or you could hop the trail, ride in the sand/gravel, and (I'm guessing purposefully) intimidate the beginner.Which would place you in the same category of hell as people who intimidate little children or tease puppies.
You choose to do the latter, and hop off the trail, fly by the beginner, scaring the shit out of her and prompting her to say in her best smart ass voice "ON YOUR RIGHT!"
And as that girl says that, you are hopping back on the path, proud at your show-offity-ness.
And you begin to wobble.
Then you wipe the hell out.
Falling on your left side, scraping the shit out of your bare little legs (those stretchy shorts don't protect knees, do they Mr. Butthole Biker?) and your arm/hands.
The two bikers that you were so eager to pass? They stopped (on the side of the trail. Let's not forget biking etiquette, please). They have nothing else to stare at except you - they can't pass you on the left (but you better believe they would have done a sing-song "On your left, asshole"), because you are perpendicularly blocking the path. With your bloody body and your bike. So they stare. They could ask if you are okay, but the man is being oddly silent (and he's normally so polite. He might be pissed that you scared his girlfriend or that you give bikers a bad name) and the girl (who is NEVER nice and will laugh at just about anybody that gets hurt) is trying not to laugh and is getting by with a wide smile.
So you get up and pedal off as fast as you can.
People?
Do I get credit for not laughing until he was out of earshot? And how about the fact that I didn't reenact the scene until he was out of view?
But I didn't ask if he was okay. I did stare. And I did say "On your right" which *might* have had something to do with the fall.
This is probably why I'm going to hell. For sure that idiot will be there too. If hell is anything like Dante wrote it, the man will be wiping out with people watching over and over again for eternity. Totally worth the flames.
p.s. If any of you reading in the Phoenix area have a husband/boyfriend/dad/son/uncle/grandpa come home today and he is all bloody and he tells you that it is because he was rescuing a whole heap of kittens from certain death he is lying his ass off.
I'm almost done with my thesis. ALMOST. I'm so excited. I'd like a weekend where I can actually DO things, instead of sitting with piles and piles of research and my laptop. I bet you're excited to not have to listen to me yammer on about it, too...
Anyway, a quick review of the week. Because I need a break.
Jeremiah rode his bike for forty miles. In a row. I told him I probably would have gotten the runs after mile 25.
Immediately upon returning, Jeremiah came down with something. The man that never gets sick is FINALLY sick. I guess coughing on his toothbrush actually works. Go me.
While readying myself for the day in the bathroom, I noticed that Maddie was chewing on Jeremiah's toothbrush's bristles. And then she carried it (in her mouth) to the floor and batted it around a little. I made a mental note to tell Jeremiah and in my stress, immediately forgot. Then I put the toothbrush back.
(Do you know where this is going?) That night, while Jeremiah is brushing his teeth, I'm all, "I think I wanted to tell you something...but I forget what it was..."
Afterwards, I was all, "Oh, yeah...the cat's been chewing on your toothbrush. I put it back. You're welcome."
I might have remembered earlier but I think I was cranky about something so I let him brush anyway.
I worked twelve hours yesterday.
Today I didn't brush my hair AT ALL. I put it in a fashionably messy up-do. This is what happens when you make your teachers work twelve hours.
I got bangs. (That could almost be a really inappropriate sentence.) When I went in for a cut she added bangs for some interest in the front. I'm liking them.
I'm still playing games with the car people. Jeremiah said I'm good at playing mind games.
Jeremiah's response on number 10 might be the reason for number 6.
I AM good at games and I LOVE to win, so I'm still looking for cars. And playing games. Last week I got some reams of paper out of the Subaru dealership. I told them teachers buy their own paper at my school (which is true) and they gave me paper.
They did not, however, give me a car. Sadsies.
I've learned that heated seats are a non-negotiable for me. Who knew? I might be spoiled in my fifteen year old car.
I'm really proud of my students. More details on this later.
So...review your week. Any highlights? I know that Ohio Emily had a baby! Congratulations!
Wait. Can any of us really top that?
A couple of years into our relationship Jeremiah and I were enjoying Jamba Juices outside JoAnne's (I make him go with to protect me from the crazy people and impulse purchases) and we were talking about whatever and he was all casually like, "Well, it was sort of around the time when I got jumped..." As if he'd mentioned the fact that strangers had beat the snot out of him before. He hadn't, by the way. For those that are wondering a time frame, this was approximately ten years B.E. (Before Emily).
I made him tell me all the details. I'm not going to put everything here. I've got to save some things for my memoirs. I will tell you this: his numero uno concern was the king-sized candy in his pocket. I can identify. That would have been my numero dos concern (second to only, you know, my body). Especially if I had some Twizzler Sours in my pocket. They aren't even available anymore and I would fight to the death for a pack of those. Once Jeremiah got me TWO LARGE PACKS for my birthday and Spike ate them in the backseat while Jeremiah was in the store getting me a card. All the loose ones and the ones that the dog couldn't get because his nose was too large Jeremiah put in a ziplock baggy and gave me. Thanks, Babe. For reals. Thanks. Do you think I'm gross? I'm not. The dog has all his shots. And I'm not going to think about the fact that he likes his other treats to come from the litter box.
Anyway, back to the jumping -
So then, because I am nothing if not a good girlfriend, I laughed. I laughed at my boyfriend hysterically while he relived a traumatic event. At one point I managed to gasp, "Were...you...okay?"He gets mad when I laugh about this. "It was not funny." is what he says to me. That might make me laugh more.
For the record - I know that getting jumped is serious, but to hear it so casually tossed into a conversation like one might announce they are going for a walk or putting gas in the car - hilarious.
For sure I'm going to hell except that I've got my "get out of hell free" card. They give it to teachers that teach in less than desirable areas. I'm still going to see if I can drive the bus down so I can give smooches to Jeremiah as I drop him off and visit with some people.
I mean, he did, after all, give me used candy for my birthday.
p.s. Jeremiah asked me if that story was going in my book. I told him hells yes it was and that also I would be taking the pictures for the cover of the book myself. I told him my plan and he shook his head and looked away. Then the vet came in the room to stick the thermometer up Mel's butt and that kind of ends all conversation. Because I had to hold up her tail. Awkward. Hard to hold kitty tail when you are silently laughing.
Yeah. It's birthday week. Birthday 29.2. I liked my twenty-ninth birthday soooo much that I am reliving it for the third time this year. 29.0, 29.1, 29.2.
So far, I have had my cell phone issue taken care of by Boyfriend (He took it to the store and brought it back all better.). I also got earplugs & a nose plug for the pool. My facial holes don't close up when I swim. I blame the sinus surgeries. And aren't you glad I added the word facial?
And then today he cleaned dog barf off the bathroom floor - Spike ate a blanket that didn't agree with him AND he brought me home sunflowers. And some chocolate. And I got the crust from his piece of pizza.
So what will the rest of the week hold? Who knows.
I've got my birthday dress hanging in the closet ready for our Friday night dinner out. I've watched a video on a new way to try curling my hair. This sounds all fancy shmancy, but really he just takes me wherever I desire. And I am not a fancy girl. It's hard to be fancy when you have Minwax bombay satin stain on your legs. So anyway, I think one year I wanted Ihop. Cheapest date EVER.
So I hope (looks like Ihop) that everyone is having a great week. If you can handle it, I've got a post dedicated to my car coming up soon. Honoring the fact that two years ago this week I was in an accident (deep breath).
What's everyone else up to?
p.s. Oh, and the final piece of furniture has been purchased for my craft room. It is a huge, comfortable chair with a huge ottoman. I got it (like new & fifty percent off) at Salvation Army. They sanitize the furniture. And it's name brand. AND it is the happiest chair (It is a fun, not stuffy, plaid. Pink & green, people!) I've ever seen and I've already moved into the craft room and let Boyfriend have the bedroom all to himself. The chair is THAT great. So comfy. More on the chair later. But do you know what the chair purchase signifies? I GET TO PAINT MY CRAFT ROOM!!!!
p.p.s. The chair went on top of the Subaru for the ride home. We got some rope to tie it up there. Jeremiah claims that now that we've got the rope, the car is invincible. It's got super-car powers. Look for it soon to have it's own comic book series, it's that great.
Hello again, dear friends. And family. I come bearing shelves. Pictures of them, actually. I found this website: Holy Crap This Chick is Talented! and decided that I needed to have several of the shelves. In different lengths. They are for pictures and stuff.
So handy dandy Boyfriend made them and sanded them. I primed them. I painted them.
On a super-exciting note, I have a garage workspace. This is exciting, as I had zero space before. But now? I've got cabinet space. And drawers. Don't be jealous.
Here's what they looked like finished: This isn't the final way it will look, obviously. Any framed pictures on the shelves will be white. And there will be LOTS of them. The birds will probably stay. So will the candle. But not that bottle. I think I might paint or decoupage it...
But don't you dig my shelves? We altered her design slightly as I didn't want a huge lip in the front. And the shelves are placed lower because they'll be loaded with pictures, so they are eye-level-ish.
Then he made me baby ones for the dining area. Love these. They are higher because they aren't holding any pictures. Just some dishes and my favorite blue jars.
Love. They look great with the constant light that the small room gets.
What do you think? Success? We think so. I just need to collect/spray paint some frames white and find pictures to put in them.
Anybody else building right now?
p.s. Listening to Dead Weather's Sea of Cowards
p.p.s. Please ignore the gnome. That is for a photo project I am working on.
I know that I always hope and pray joke and say that I want Jeremiah to get sick just once. Just once.
But that's a joke.
And I know that I always say that I cough on his toothbrush, sneeze on his pillow, and generally contaminate everything he touches. So he can finally understand my sickies.
But that's a joke, too.
And now boyfriend is sick. Suck.
As we all know, men are BABIES when it comes to being sick. I mean, oh my gosh. Sorry babe, but it's true. I'm wishing I could take back all my hoping and praying that he would just once understand my sickies.
Nothing is getting worked on this week. If our house was color-coded by a sickness threat level, we would be level red right now. Don't leave your toothbrush unattended at our house. Don't watch anyone's toothbrush for them.
p.s. I am listening to people scuffling along on the sidewalk outside my room. Do people not know how to PICK UP THEIR FEET anymore?
p.p.s Jeremiah said to me, "Remember that time I was sick in California for over a month?" While trying to prove that he wasn't always healthy (that was five years ago, by the way). He's dubbed it, "The Time I Lost My Singing Voice", which made me laugh until I coughed up some stuff. Jeremiah has NEVER been able to sing. And if you are sick for a month and don't go to the doctor, that's your own fault.
p.p.p.s. Um, I went to the doctor and was basically right. Caught something from one of my students, it sat around in my unworking sinuses, and turned into a bacterial sinus infection. Which is the worst kind. There's actual pus involved. And lots of pressure. And then some more pus. Lots of it, actually.
Here was our conversation while at lunch. We took a road trip today. Pictures to follow.
Emily: So what are you going to order?
Boyfriend: I can't decide. I'm going to have to narrow it down. He thinks about it, looking at the menu again. Looks up. Boyfriend: I can tell you one thing though. Emily[distracted]: What's that?
Boyfriend: I'm not getting "Tom's Sausage". I can't order sausage that has another man's name in front of it. It's out of the question. He looks back at the menu sadly.
