What post could possibly go wrong when it is entitled "Pirates"? No post is the answer. Pirates are a fantastic blog topic.

After all the horrible things that happened with the cruise ship nearly Italy - which is super scary and very sad - a friend of mine has decided that she is anti-cruise. Which bums me. If you remember, a cruise is on my list. And Jeremiah doesn't want to go on a cruise, either. Especially after he saw the pictures of the cruise ship turned 90 degrees in the waters off of Italy. Bah. Jeremiah is NOT a water baby. And apparently he is not into current events because he did not even know about this until I told him. I should not have told him. Now he definitely will not go.

So my cruise won't be a romantic one.

And it probably won't be a girls' trip. None of my friends (including newly anti-cruise ship friend) have ever  mentioned cruisin' it up, so I'm guessing? No.

So then while talking with my anti-cruise friend I became defiant about no one wanting to cruise with me. "I do not care. I may go on a cruise by myself." I said haughtily. My anti-cruise friend explained that people mysteriously disappear on cruises.

Hmmm... To be honest, this threw me. But only for a second, and not literally. My comeback was quick and I spoke triumphantly - "Okay, so I will NOT travel alone, after all. I will travel with at least one person and I will not trust that person with my life so I will call someone who is landlocked every single hour and let them know what is happening. That way, if I do not call, they know that something is wrong and they can alert the proper authorities. You know, in case Jeremiah pushes me overboard or something."

My friend countered with the fact that "There are REAL pirates, you know."

Well, crap.

"Let me tell you this, anti-cruise friend. If I ever come across a pirate that has hopped aboard the ship, he can have my money but first I will ask to see his parrot. And he better have an eye patch. And I should see signs of a peg leg. And he should be drunk. Then he can have my money. But not without those things. Those are my non-negotiables. No patch, peg, or parrot? No money."

Here is an example of a (partially) acceptable pirate:
I think the fact that Jeremiah is ACTUALLY blind in one eye gives a certain amount of authenticity to the photograph, don't you? 

My friend looks at me.

Shakes her head.

"Yeah...Emily? You're going to be the first one shot."

So in a way, I win!



Lacie Josephine said...

Cruises are fun. Being a pirate sounds like more fun though....you get to drink rum & steal shit. I'm quitting my job tomorrow to become one

Emily said...

Lacie, I KNOW! I have a hard time being afraid of someone with such fantastic qualities - gold and birds and patches and stuff. I say go for it! I hear that eye patches are the new black.

DeAnne said...

I say your anti-cruise friend is wise. :)

Emily said...

Whatevs! :)