It's Like I'm Dr. Dolittle.

Before I injured myself and doomed myself to weeks in a cast, I had been going to the gym regularly. I loved it.

While Jeremiah put my purse in the lockers every evening (I don't like lockers. Or shopping carts.), I would look out the huge windows out onto the pond with the fountain. And ducks. Lots of water birds.

And hand to my heart - on one of those evenings, I meowed.

"Meow."
 
Because sometimes I meow at home. You know, to my cats (This is normal, right?). But I did not realize in the moment that I was in public and people don't actually MEOW in public and there was a slight chance that the lady sitting in the comfy chair reading her book might hear me and think I was a little cray-cray.

Because, you know, I meowed. 

Just FYI - there is no playing it cool after that. Once you meow in public, it's best to just leave the immediate area.

Happy Friday!

It's What I Bring to the Table.

So last night after Jeremiah made me dinner, I told him he was my hero. And I was not kidding. In the past week, this man has taken two days of PTO to stay at home with me while I was not able to work AND left his job (on the other side of Phoenix) to come pick me up from my place of employment because I could not drive. That's pretty freaking awesome.

I proclaimed that he was indeed my hero and asked if he would like to hear a song about heroes. He didn't say no, which I took to mean that I could sing if I wanted to. So I did. I sang "Everybody's Got to Have a Hero", from my elementary music class text book, that was performed by my class in third grade. Sang the whole damn thing. Start to finish. Ended with over the top jazz hands (is that redundant?).

Jeremiah stared at me for a minute and then announced, "That's it. That's the shit that you bring to the table. Who wouldn't want that in their company/business/school?"

Hells yes. Impromptu dancing and singing. "It's the shit I bring to the table." I'm thinking of adding that to my resume.

p.s. I should mention that I NEVER miss work and the fact that I had to miss a few days is killing me. Killing me, Smalls.
p.p.s. Also, I just wanted to say once again how awesome my co-workers are. Seriously, I heart these people. Because not only did Jeremiah have to come get me, but one of my friends came to pick Jeremiah up at the house and drove him back to the school so he could get his car before who knows what happened to it.

Well, Crap.

Did you miss me?

Picture me asking you this, standing shyly, head hanging down in an "Awe, shucks" kind of way.

Except no.

I am not standing. Because I have effed up my foot, Friends.

Shit's messed up.

Snuffy's Disease got way out of hand.

After getting a steroid injection that allowed me to walk like a normal person (as opposed to Thug Nasty), the damn thing wore off, I overdid it, and long story short, I have ruptured both my Achilles and Plantar Fascia. Ripped those things in half. Due to the tendons or whatever not being connected anymore, my left foot is completely flat and approximately half an inch longer than the right foot.

Shoe shopping is going to be a bitch in about five weeks. Also, when I saw the size difference in the bathtub, I started laughing. That might have been because I was temporarily hopped up on pain meds, or it might have actually been funny. At the moment, I am not laughing.

My insurance will not cover an MRI to see what needs to be done until after six weeks in the cast. I have to say, I'd much rather them suck it the hell up and cover the MRI. I am terrified of not knowing. Plus, for the next five weeks, I am only allowed fifteen minutes per hour of standing. That's it. I'm not great with math, but the hour it takes to get ready in the morning is effing me up. I try to sit on the counter while I do my hair, but showering and what not? Takes longer than fifteen.

My students have been hilarious in all of this. I tell them that one of the other students (I co-teach) ran over my foot with a scooter. The boy laughs and says, "I didn't even look back! What, what!" Also, they are practicing their mathematical skills and regularly tell me how much time I have left any given hour.

Plus, the cast smells. I can wash it, but it has to air dry and I am not allowed to take it off unless I am in the shower or driving. So really, I can't wash it. I should have figured that out when the cleaning instructions had a laughing smiley face next to them. Bastards.

My specialist yesterday did an additional ultrasound and I told him that while he may just have flown back from a third world country doing missionary clinic work, the smell that would hit him when I took off the cast was death, pure death.
 

Lastly, I have to wear it to bed and this pains me because I wash my feet when I come in the house. I don't like dirty sheets. And now I basically have the world's filthiest and smelliest shoe thing on my new sheets. Brand freaking new. It's worse than when Mel threw up on the comforter.

Much, much worse.


I would like to add that my co-workers/friends/Jeremiah have been so awesome that it brings me to tears. Seriously, they are amazing. I was crying (out of "Ohmygosh, everyone is being so nice!" overwhelmedness) and my coworker said "Emily? Are you kidding? We LOVE you. This is what happens when you're a nice person. Other people want to help you when you're down." And then I cried even more.

It was a very Sally Fields moment. "You like me?! You really, really like me?!" And also, because deep down, I might be nice. Who knew?

Boogers - Bathroom Series, Part 1

They built us new bathrooms when they did the school remodel. That's fantastic, right? As far as community bathrooms go, this one is pretty nice.

In early fall, I walked into my favorite stall and noticed what appeared to be a booger on the wall of the stall. I am very easily disturbed by other people's icky things, and I was only able to calm myself down by the fact that the booger would be erased forever when the bathrooms were cleaned that evening.

The next day, the booger was still there.

For over a week, this booger held steadfast to its spot on the wall. Eventually, I took an empty toilet paper roll (This makes it sound like our bathrooms are never cleaned, doesn't it? Not the case, I promise.) and used that as my weapon to remove the booger.

Not ONE FREAKING WEEK LATER, a new booger was smeared on the wall. Who the hell does this? It has to be an adult woman, as it is the staff bathroom. And really, Friends? What better place to pick your nose because not only is it private, but there is toilet paper RIGHT THERE for you to use as booger holders. Use the toilet paper. Please, I beg of you.

Same story, did not get taken care of, I used my shoe, yadda yadda.

Last Friday I went into my favorite stall and there was another booger smeared on the wall. I did not take care of it. I just want to write a note and post it in the stall. My mental letter goes something like this:

Dear Booger-Wiper,
What the hell is wrong with you? This is the adult bathroom. We do not wipe boogers on the wall. Actually, my third graders don't even wipe boogers on the wall. There is plenty of toilet paper here, use that. If you can't handle disposing of your nose gold properly, I would suggest you use a different bathroom.
Sincerely,
A Kleenex-User


I can't even comprehend this disgustingness.

Someone, anyone, please share a job related story for me that will make me feel better about this situation.

Yep, She Sure Is.

I know what you are thinking. That is a freaking cute cat, Emily. Yep, she sure is. She is adorable.

She is also the cat that actually looks around a room in an effort to eff things up. Sometimes I swear I see her doing that. Like, "Hmm...What can I destroy next?" It is not enough that she climbs the tree. She sabotages the tree take down, as well. She hates it when Christmas goes away.

I get you, Maddie, I do. I hate saying goodbye to Christmas, too. But this is not the way to show it.

 For sure this is a cat that wants to eff up your Christmas:

P.S. I should add that Maddie really just wants to have fun. I think she might be a friend of Cyndi Lauper's. She is not malicious in her destruction, which sounds weird, but I believe it to be true. I think of her as an individual with ADD with a spectrum disorder (We've got some social awkwardness going on here, people.) thrown in for good measure. That is my cat.

Only Got Twenty Dollars in My Pocket

If you know me or have been reading for awhile, you know that I am a thrifter. Almost everything in our house? Second hand. It started out of necessity. I moved here to Arizona with two cars worth of stuff - and that did not include dining room furniture, a couch, chairs, or a bed (for the record, I would never buy a second-hand mattress. Just...no.).

I needed stuff and I was not exactly swimming in money. So I started shopping at Salvation Army and Goodwill. With my Subaru, I could haul everything. Seriously. You know. Everything.

When we bought the house, we needed to fill it. As I mentioned, nearly everything is second hand. And we like it. We like to think we make it look good. At least to us. Some pieces we refinish, some we just clean up, but it has been fun slowly adding things to our house over time, instead of getting everything all at once.

Friday a cool thing happened. YHL, a blog that I read, decided to have a thrift store challenge. It was based on this song by Macklemore & Ryan.



I love that Leona is in that video. She was also featured on the front cover of Martha Stuart's Living a few months ago. Everyone loves them some giraffe. You can read about how I found Leona the Giraffe here. And you really should. It is one of my favorite posts.

The challenge is this: Take twenty bucks, go to a thrift shop, see what you can get. Also, take a picture of yourself with something mentioned in the song.

So here goes:

 The first stop we made was the Salvation Army. It was raining in Phoenix, and while I generally like the rain, I've been fighting something (again.) and was not going to stand in the rain while Jeremiah perfected his shot. So here it is. From inside Hazel.

 My found object was this mustard yellow (or as my brother would call it - Felicia Brown) Samsonite ("Oh! Samsonite! We were waaaaay off!") piece of luggage. Mostly I thought - this is some ugly shit. But at the same time, I was like, "I could totally buy this and never have to grab the wrong piece of luggage at the airport carousel again."

I got a few stares while posing with the suitcase.

Salvation Army was having the one year anniversary of their store remodel, and it was freaking packed. Mostly because everything was fifty percent off, but also because they were grilling hot dogs in the rain. You don't really have a Plan B here in Phoenix in case of rain. You just don't.

Anyway, I bought three books at a quarter a piece. The bottom three on the pile above.

Remember my pig head that I have had for years?

I totally found his water-loving friend! He was only two bucks, and he is so ugly that I love him. One of his eyes is slightly darker than the other, which is endearing. If a fake white duck head can be endearing. And I think that they can be.

Total spent: $2:75

Our next step was Goodwill, and it was packed and everything was also fifty percent off. I scored a Jones New York 3/4 length grey boatneck shirt, a light grey dressy tee, and a pair of long navy sporty shorts. I would show pictures, but all clothes are being decontaminated at the moment. I also got the rest of the books in the above picture.

My total spent at Goodwill: About $12.00.

Jeremiah walked up to me while I was searching and said he had found a belt. Apparently he has been looking for a casual black belt (I am sure at one point I told him his black leather belt was too dressy for some of his pants/shorts. That totally sounds like something I would say. With love, of course.) Anyway, he strolls up and says he's found a belt and it looks brand new. Had I ever heard of this brand? Holds up the tag. It's a Patagonia belt. This one, actually. He was excited to learn that he could open a beer bottle with it. Thirty dollar belt. Jeremiah's total: $2.00.

I didn't have any huge or super exciting finds (besides my duck and books), but I still like seeing what's new and what bargains are available. I can't really narrow down any particular favorite or best find - Leona was definitely up there. I have also had some great clothing finds and some great furniture finds. Like the tables I got for $1.25 each and refinished. Jeremiah has had some incredible finds - including $100 pants and ties for just a couple of dollars.

So there is my response to the challenge. Anyone else do the challenge? Anyone have a favorite thrift shop find?

The Family That 'Staches Together...

I don't think I have ever posted about Jeremiah's kids. Actually, I know I haven't. It's a long story, and it is not my story to tell. Here is all y'all need to know:

1. Jeremiah is a good dad. In every way possible, he supports his kids.
2. Please refer back to #1. You know I don't like odd numbers.

So anyway, the kids were here for Christmas. I, however, was not. I came back just in time to spice things up before they headed back to their other home (out of state).

His kids are now 18 & 14, which shocks the shit right out of me, because I have been with Jeremiah for seven years and have known these two from when they were littles. Like, preteen. Crazy. I feel old, and I imagine Jeremiah feels super extra old. Have I mentioned that he turns the big four zero this year?

On the plus side, when he went to the gym with Hudson (that'd be the son, yo), the guy at the desk asked if they were BROTHERS. That's gotta make an older fella feel good, I'm guessing. I'm also guessing that I will be hearing about that for years...Thanks a lot, gym receptionist, thanks a lot.

There was a request for a family picture while the kids were here, and we were happy to oblige. The original theme was musicians, because Hudson plays guitar and Jeremiah plays drums and guitar and I own a guitar. Plus, I borrowed a cowbell from work and I thought we could jam like the skit on SNL of Blue Oyster Cult. The one where they need more cowbell.

That all changed when we were leaving Old Navy and I came across a pack of stick-on mustaches. His daughter was all, "What are you going to do with those?" And I told her that we were all going to be wearing one and if she was a smart girl, she'd pick her mustache out first while the picking was good. So she did. Smart girl, that Nadia.

We ended up doing both. Musicians first, mustached second. 

So here are some pictures. I am so impressed that these two were not only willing to do it, but had fun while we did it. I know that their lives while they are with us are quite different than while they are with their other family, but kudos to them for that willingness and ability to adapt to change. Because everyone should mustache it up every now and then. Although to be honest, I might be all mustached out.

My favorite part of this is Jeremiah rocking the acoustic. I don't think enough acoustics get rocked.

I love everything about this. Nadia's hair flip? Out of this world. Me fake picking my nose? Hilarious. Jeremiah giving me a look like "Get your finger out of your nose" is...well, he gives me that look a lot. And Huds is just enjoying the cowbell.

Dad and kids.

I like this because I am getting a kiss.

 And mustaches. Later we had milkshakes. It was a great day.

 These are two of the best pictures. Ever.

There are plenty of others, but these are some of my faves. Hope you and your family had a fantastic holiday.