Orange You Glad You Had One?

No vault. I miss the vault. 

Typically, I barely take a break to breathe at work, but as last night was rough (dog panting, which means his ass is about to explode in a mess of diarrhea; and a rogue smoke detector) and I was up from about one until about two or three.

So when I had a second, I called Jeremiah. His car took a shit and he had to take the day to take it in, as it was undrive-able, which left him with little choice. So he was home. His biggest concern was that he did not have any sweets. His half of everything that my mom and my aunt had sent for Easter was gone. Like, within the first few days.

We had this coversation:
Me: You may have 1/3 cup of my jelly beans. That's it.
J: That's fine, I am so hungry I don't care.
Me: You know, you might consider eating something NUTRITIOUS. We have kiwis. We have cuties.
J: Um, yeah. Have you had one of those cuties lately?
Me: Lying, as the cuties are almost completely brown.* Yeah, I have. Soooo good, right?
J: No. Not "sooooo good." I had one yesterday and I am pretty sure that I was drunk afterward.
Me: What?
J: I'm serious. It was really ripe.
Me: Well, one of us has to eat them, and I am busy with the apples. We can't waste perfectly good fruit.
J: Well, I guess I can try another one. But if you come home and I'm passed out on the floor...
Me: Then it is my fault. Well, mine and the cuties.

* I actually love cuties, but then I started eating apples and strawberries and grapes and I just couldn't stop. I tend to be cyclical with my eating. I eat something until I am sick of it. On the plus side,  I have been quite regular. I am sure that you are relieved for me.


Méthodique Boisson said...

I too am extremely cyclical in my eating habits. I will decide that goat cheese is the food of the gods and the best thing that has happened to my mouth, and therefor will attempt to eat nothing else for a week. My poor partner will then attempt to grocery shop in anticipation of my rabid goat cheese consumption, only to learn that, no, goat cheese time is over. I eat spinach now. He is then left with the choice of either wasting food (I suppose technically I am the one wasting food, but I try not to let petty details like the truth bog me down), or allowing my arbitrary cravings to dictate his diet as he attempts to consume the leftovers abandoned in the wake of my strange food cravings.

Emily said...

Thanks for the comment. Glad I am not the only one that has cyclical eating habits!