GPS in PHX, or, I Hear Voices, or, I Once Was Lost but Now Am Found

So for Christmas, my dad got me this:
That is the adapter, GPS, and a thing to set it in because I don't want anything stuck to my dash or window.
I take all these things into the car and that way I won't get so lost. You need this, too, if you can say yes to any of the following:
1. You live in a big, ghetto-y city.
2. You travel a lot.
3. You like maps.
4. You need maps.
5. You get lost all the time.
6. Your directions (either the ones you give or receive) sound like this, "You know that Burger King on the corner? Turn there. Left, I think. Or maybe right."

Seriously, I just grab it...

...and into the car we go. I'll admit, it took me awhile to get it set up. My brother swore up and down that a monkey could use it. Not this monkey. I'll get back to this in a second. For now, I'm digressing again.

I had great intentions getting it out and looking through it, but I didn't. It took great fear - read: getting lost on the way home after dropping J-Dog off at the airport at four in the morning. I didn't want to roll around in south Phoenix in the dark. Alone. In an old, untrustworthy Ford (boyfriend's car). I wanted to live just a bit longer. I ALWAYS get lost on the way home from the airport. It's seriously the most messed up airport EVER. Kind of like the city, but I digress on my digression. So I didn't want to be driving around lost and because of that I got out the GPS. Turned it on. Set up a password.

Which brings me back to my brother's "A monkey can do it." - I tried to manage my GPS, but it doesn't work with a Mac. I had to use a (pause) different computer. A red one. Boyfriend's. So this monkey was a bit cranky and felt silly that she couldn't get it to work. But technically, it wasn't my fault, right? I should mention that you don't have to set it up on your computer. You can just turn it on and go. But being who I am (obsessive and controlling. It's okay, I can admit it.) I had to manage it first.

So on to the drive. I set it up. It told us where to go. Exactly. Several times. It told us when we were speeding, estimated arrival (which changes based on speed - fun!), I could see crossroads, miles to go, minutes to go, EVERYTHING. And then it did my lesson plans and made me an early breakfast. Seriously, I fell in love so much I almost asked it to marry me. It probably would have said yes and then planned the whole flippin' wedding, because that is how wonderfully organized this gizmo is.

One of my favorite things about it? It blinks if you tick it off. Jeremiah almost missed the exit on the way there - it comes up super fast and the off ramp is short - and it started blinking furiously and repeating itself. Sounded like a female Rainman.

I think I'm going to see if I can't find a voice that swears. I like swearing and it would make a trip even more fun and lighthearted if I could hear (and excuse my language, I never swear on here) "Geez, bitch, you missed your turn. Dumbass. Now I have to re-analyze the route." Wouldn't that be great? I think so.

And by the way - We purposefully missed a turn and it completely reroutes you. Which is great if you can't get off the motorway in time.

On a side note, the voices in my head? The real deal. You've already been introduced. Em, Emily, and Emilie. I figure Em is fun and lighthearted, Emily is no nonsense and logical, and Emilie is my European, artsy, sarcastic chickie. She has been in charge of most of the redecorating. And my need for hats and scarves. And the small dogs. And my snotty side. That's my girl. I figure they all add up to the one wonderful me. You want to hear voices? Set down your cell phone. Lordy with the cell phones, people.

But again, this was about GPS. The voices outside my head. You should get one. We all think so.

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