My Boyfriend's Back!

He's gonna save my reputation. If needed.

Everybody ready?

List of things I can admit to now that my Polish-American (we've decided to show some pride in our heritage. This is a long story that probably requires its own post.) boyfriend is home:

1. I'm pretty freakin' sure the house is haunted. Any time you wake up and find a balloon directly facing you when you open the bedroom door in the morning (especially when said balloon was downstairs when you went to bed and there weren't any fans, AC, etc. running at night and you are the only one home) - ghost. For sure.

2. I wasn't at all afraid of intruders. I was afraid of the weird lights that I would see in the bedroom - not from the street, our windows face the backyard and were closed, closed, closed. Plus the noises and the fact that the dogs would sit at night in the bedroom and stare down the hall intently.

3. Just in case the spirits were evil (either that or they have a fantastic sense of humor), I used my dog (shame on you, girl) as a sacrificial lamb. I slept with Spike strategically placed between the door and me. That way I could offer him up to the evil spirits if I needed to do so. "Here! Take my dog instead!" By the way, they totally would send him back from the world of the undead or underworld or whatever. He's that bad.

4. I cooked up ground turkey with the paper still attached. To be fair, I removed one of the pieces of paper - the absorb-y one that collects the blood. I didn't see the other one. Whatever. It still tasted fine.

5. I had a snarky interaction with the lady next door that may or may not be appropriate for the blog but was definitely funny so I'm debating on whether I should post it. The interaction included a mental "Oh, no you didn't just say that" on my part. Actually, the funny parts of it might have ALL happened in my head. Interesting. And those parts might be funny only to me. But in all honesty, my hooch of a neighbor entertains me, so I'm sending her happy thoughts today. Wankette.

This post was brought to you today by the letter R. Random, Random, Random.

1 comment:

Diane said...

#1 - You should be used to ghosts, we had one on Terrace Street.
#2 - Bruno stares down the stairs to the basement...but I think we have mice.
#3 - ...like the Ransom of Red Chief?
#4 - A little roughage never hurt anyone.
#5 - got nothin' here, haven't met her yet.